Of Uchihas and strange work environments
by purpleflames
Summary: Sakura Haruno has one last assignment to complete before tasting sweet freedom, but matchmaking was never this difficult.AU fic.Rating to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**AU fic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.**

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**Chapter one**

Once upon a time in a tree outside a beautiful house was a pink-haired girl who was scribbling furiously into a notebook.

"My assignment that sucks Part one

By Sakura Haruno

You know there are tons of movies and books and other such forms of media, which revolve around the concept of making a deal with the devil. Even Disney marketed this concept under the guise of Hercules .You would think that the moral of the story is to never make a deal with the devil no matter what the circumstances, never ever sign a deal with Hades or any other such form of the Lord of the Dead.

But see the truth is there are some divine powers which are less powerful than him and still manage to keep you on a shorter leash and cause your life to turn into a virtual hell.

And that's where I come in.

Hello my name is Sakura Haruno and I work for Cupid. Or as he prefers to be called Eros (he thinks it sounds more badass I think it sounds like he's a porno star).

You may have heard the many stories of arrows of love and stuff like that, well after the Psyche fiasco things were changed a bit. Instead people got assigned 'handlers' of sorts who would find their perfect match and set them up them e.g.-Cinderella's fairy God-mother (who was my trainer).These handlers are the ones born out of the love that cupid and/or his aides give them. Once you complete twenty five assignments you are free to live life as a normal human being. Unfortunately if you don't complete one assignment you get two as punishment. And I have to complete fifty assignments instead of twenty five(Long story short I took on the share of my sisters work).So far I'm on assignment forty nine.

That's right I'm **that** close to freedom .I'm very good at the job. In fact if I have been employee of the month for every month I have been on the job. And the fact that I am just seventeen makes it even sweeter.

It's just kind of sad that while I have been working for so long I won't get to use the references for when I go out into the real world to work. Pity.

I'm good at my job, but I know my limitations. I know there are some people who are just not cut out for love. I'm not a miracle worker. And that's why this assignment really bums me out.

See I am currently hanging outside the great Uchiha mansion. Literally. I'm on a tree outside my charge's room invisible to human eyes.

Who is my charge you ask?

The man no one agreed to take. Hell people preferred to take on Mel Gibson just to get out of being his handler._ Mel Gibson!_

I of course got his name in a lottery (which I think was rigged).

You see children; my charge is the infamous Sasuke Uchiha.

Insert fan girls screaming here

Yes you would think that finding the perfect love for a boy with his own fan club(284699 members and counting) his own facebook fan page , a website dedicated to him, an official merchandise store without doing anything other than being a high school student and one of the heirs to a billion dollar corporation, would be easy right?

Well it isn't.

He hates the world. No seriously he actually hates the world, glares at everyone, there is always something about them that he hates .So far the only girls I found with all the characteristics he can stand are either a) taken b) lesbians c) dead.

And that's not the only issue.

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HIS DEAL!

No seriously, I have no idea if he's straight or gay or plain bisexual or anything! The boy is a block of ice!

Which is why I'm in the tree outside his room. I figure I might be able to find out something anything that indicates his preference so that I can narrow down the list of potentials further down. Just in case he's gay, I've started looking for guys who fit his preferences too. Unfortunately all the guys I've found are either a) taken b) straight c) dead. And I'm here. In a tree .With squirrels running into me occasionally because I'm invisible to them too. There's this really annoying one who keeps on trying to walk into me .He's hit his head on my leg so many times I've stopped counting. Oh look there he is again.

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Well he won't be troubling me anymore. I just flicked him off the branch.

Right, back to the ice-block. So far I have learnt that he has no personality. The man has no life! He gets back from school, finishes his homework and then if there's a lot of time left he plays basketball. Alone. Though sometimes he plays with his brother.

Now his brother, he is another piece of work. At the age of 5 he was found to be a child prodigy. He did the whole shebang, graduating from school early and going to college at a really young age, the works. And his father put him to work when he was 's been a workaholic ever since.

The entire family (or as their father calls it, _clan)_ is bat-shit crazy. The only relatively normal one in the entire bunch is the matriarch Mikoto. Who is obsessed with getting herself some grandchildren to spoil.

I almost feel sad for the poor bint who'll have to get married into the family. She'd be a baby-making machine with an ice-block for a husband.

Meh it's not my problem.

Wait it is.

So I'm still outside Sasuke's room. Sadly enough so were a bunch of his fangirls. That's right a few made it past the security and are now on the branch next to mine looking for their precious 'Sasuke-kun'.

Want to hear something that's even sadder? They are actually some of the candidates I have to consider for the role of 'Sasuke's Soul mate'.

Right now Sasuke's not in his room. The fangirls left a while back after stealing some clothes of his so I can't even amuse myself with throwing acorns at them and blaming the squirrels for it. And I'm bored. Do you want to know what his room looks like?

It's got dark blue walls and dark blue bed sheets with the Uchiha fan on it. The furniture is all dark mahogany. The floor is black marble like tile.

Can you sense the theme yet?

His room is next to –"

"What are you doing?" Sakura looked up from the notebook she was writing in to see the older brother of the boy she was stalking, looking straight into her viridian eyes. They stared unblinking at each other for a minute before she yelped and started flailing around, ultimately falling off the tree.

As the many branches of the tree continued to hit her on her way down, the young prodigy watched her descent with a hint of interest on his usually expressionless face. The pink haired girl had been observing Sasuke for days now jotting down things in her journal but not once had his brother noticed her, even when he would have been staring straight at her.

He knew she couldn't possibly have been a fangirl from the way she didn't swoon like the rest nor did she actually enter the house and violate Sasuke's privacy like the others were prone to.

Not to mention it wasn't everyday you saw someone with pink hair.

From under the tree Sakura got up wincing as the pain in her...well, body became apparent and glared at the branches that had attempted to break her fall and ended up breaking her bones instead.

When she saw Itachi still looking at her, panic began to settle in. Humans weren't supposed to be able to see her when she used an invisibility spell. Muttering a transportation spell under her breath, she teleported herself back to Cupid's headquarters.

As Itachi watched the pink haired chit disappear into nothing, his eyebrows flew up his forehead.

Things had just gotten very interesting.

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**So should I continue or not?**

**Please review. **


	2. Chapter 2

**We've learnt about the Uchihas now it's time for the strange workplace! Thank you very much everyone who reviewed or put the story on alert! **

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it I don't own it.**

"Where is it!" screeched a pink haired girl also known as Sakura Haruno as she went through all her belongings and tore down her workstation (a pink walled cubicle, she was really starting to hate that colour) hunting for a little brown leather bound journal.

"Okay calm down." she said to herself taking a deep breath in and slowly letting it out."Now think where did you last see it?"

Her mind flashed back to all the events of the day. Having an eidetic memory was useful sometimes. And then she remembered.

_Glaring at all the branches that had hit her on her way down she saw a pair of onyx eyes staring straight at her from out the window of his room. And on a branch to the left of his face, with its pages open and the spine facing the older Uchiha, was her journal. Unaware, that hours later she would be close to a breakdown trying to find the said book, she fled the scene via a teleportation spell._

"Saki, send me some goodies on Sorority life, I need to level up."Ino called from the cubicle next to her. "Sakura? Oi Forehead-girl! Goodies now!"

When she no screams of 'Ino-Pig!' were forthcoming, she stood up to look at whatever it was that was keeping Sakura so engrossed, only to see her cubicle neighbour (and best friend though she would never admit it) staring into space with a zonked expression .She knew what that face meant and so Ino ran off to the to get some soda. It was moments later when a high-pitched wail resounded through the office and flinching slightly from the ringing in her ears, Ino ran in the direction of the sound of Sakura's anxious breakdown.

Meanwhile in the mortal realm a certain Uchiha was going through a leather bound book with barely hidden glee.

'Otouto, it seems someone is finally going to have to bring you out of your shell...and I will enjoy watching every second of it.' The smirk on his face as he strolled down the hallway tossing the book around in his hands promptly caused one of the maids to faint. When Itachi was amused, it was time for everyone around to run away.

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While Itachi thought of the upcoming days with fondness, Sakura was hyperventilating and breathing in and out of a paper bag while Tsunade and Ino tried in vain to calm her.

"I'm" –Gasp- "So"- Gasp- "SCREWED!"- Gasp-

Tsunade sighed in exasperation.

Sakura made a brilliant matchmaker, and a delightful student to teach. Smart and curious she made the ideal apprentice for any person and as her mentor Tsunade had made sure Sakura was fully proficient at her job so that she wouldn't be stuck in this job forever.

However Sakura's incapability to deal with failure and any surprises along the way was her downfall. While Tsunade herself loved it when things didn't go as planned, giving her even more of a challenge and making an erstwhile job much more fun , Sakura's need for everything to fit into neat little boxes and for nothing to ruin her methodical approach made her...well a wet blanket.

Not to mention she sounded absolutely horrendous when breathing in and out of a bag.

Just as Tsunade braced herself for the wail she knew was coming, silence took over. A beautiful man with golden curls and twinkling blue eyes waltzed into workspace. The cargoes and casual v-neck long sleeve tee belying his age of a few millennia.

"Good morning everyone!" he smiled at everyone seemingly not noticing Sakura standing there with a bag over her mouth eyes wide, pastel hair limp around her heart-shaped face. He whistled a song that sounded a lot like 'Ding Dong the witch is dead' and skipped into the main office.

_Cupid_ was in the house.

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It was a good day for Cupid so far. His mother and wife were getting along ,he passed by twelve happy couples that had his employees to thank for their happiness and he opened the door to his office only to find Jiraiya and Kakashi with the new instalment in the Icha Icha series.

Life was good.

Until a frantic pinkette burst into his office looking like death warmed over (even Jiraiya was repulsed) eyes shining with a crazy gleam that scared him more than Grandfather Zeus ever would.

"Sakura!" He giggled nervously checking his calendar briefly before turning back to her, "How's my favourite matchmaker doing? Any progress on the Uchiha?"

"My journal with all the info is missing and I might have maybe left it on a tree outside the mansion and someone has probably found it by now and now I'll never finish my assignment and I will _fail_."She rushed out all at once and stopped to take a breath.

Cupid relaxed."Well then nothing to worry about. You know those books have enchantments on them so no mortal can see what's written."

"He saw me even though I was under an invisibility spell."

"You don't say? A seer perhaps."Kakashi mused.

Sakura grew confused.

"So he can tell the future? What does that have to do with anything?"

"A seer doesn't mean a prophet all the time it can also refer to a clairvoyant, someone with an unclouded inner sight."Jiraiya explained. Throughout their conversation, the brightness in Sakura's eyes hadn't dimmed the slightest bit. Cupid reached into a drawer and pulled out a big bar of chocolate and handed it to Sakura who proceeded to tear into it like a wild animal.

'At least she took off the wrapper.' Kakashi thought, wincing at the sight of the chomping jaws.

They sat there as she explained everything that had happened so far while still eating the chocolate. During the narration she eventually calmed down and when Cupid told her he'd take care of stuff and call her when things had been settled down, she nodded and with a sigh of relief left for her house, calling it a (stressful) day.

"I didn't think Sakura was the kind to need to talk things out."Kakashi said once Sakura left.

"What do you mean?"Jiraiya asked. While he knew a lot about the female...well, anatomy, the female mind was a dark and scary place he would never even bother to understand.

"You know some girls need to talk and ramble for hours and hours about their problems and once they're done with it voila it's like they were never upset to begin with."Kakashi explained.

"She's not. It's the chocolate."Cupid said not looking up from the rolodex he was going through."It's a special kind of chocolate that helps with cramps and emotional distress during PMS."

A moment of horrified silence followed as Jiraiya and Kakashi realised the reason why he had taken that brief glance at the calendar.

"Oh come on. Have you not realised that 80 percent of the people working here are female? I need to know which days I need to stay away from work." Finally having found the number he was looking for, Cupid stood up ignoring the aghast faces of Kakashi and Jiraiya.

"Hello, is this the Uchiha residence? Oh may I speak to Mrs Mikoto Uchiha please? Oh Mikoto there might be a bit of a snag in our plans. Are you up to a good challenge?"

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Sakura stepped into her house closing the door behind her softly. A sigh left her as the thought of failing her final assignment weighed down upon her.

"Mom, I'm home." She said and trudged into the kitchen fully intent on drowning her sorrows in orange juice. Without looking up from her shoes she walked towards the fridge and reached out to where she knew the carton would be, only to be left grasping at air. She looked up confused .Her orange juice was missing. This day officially sucked.

"Oh Sakura you're home! This wonderful young man came by to return your notebook. Wasn't that nice of him?"

Still dazed Sakura turned to see her mother with that glow that only a woman in her third trimester had standing next to a smirking male specimen of the Uchiha variety.

"Sakura."

"Itachi."

They continued to stare at each other and a feeling of déjà vu swept over Sakura. Her eye twitched as she recalled that the last time this happened she fell off a tree and was in a lot of pain.

"I found your book on a tree outside - "

"Mom I think I heard the phone ringing why don't you go pick it up?" If her mother found out she had been in the tree outside a boy's room specifically the room of the man standing in front of her right now...

As soon as her mother left earshot, she grabbed her book from his hands and flipped through it quickly only to find her carefully taken notes had little observations added to them. She turned to him in confusion ad he answered the question that was on her mind.

"I felt like you left out certain nuances of his behaviour which might help in the near future?"

"So you-"

She was cut off by the ringing of Itachi's cell phone. He looked at the caller-id and frowned before picking up the call.

"Okaa-san...No I'm out ...How did you-?...Oh...I shall see you at home."

"You're leaving?" Sakura tried to conceal the grin that was threatening to break out .She did not particularly enjoy being in Itachi's company. It left her feeling rather flustered.

"So are you."

"What do you mean?"

"My mother said to bring you along as well."

**Please review. ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry this took so long but there was a minor quake where I live an hour back and it was in the middle of the night so I was(am) totally terrified(never experienced anything like that) and no one was awake and I was terrified and well you get the point. Well actually that's the reason this chapter feels a bit rushed or sucks to an extent, my paranoia is kicking in, in a HUGE way and so I feel the need to get at least one chapter out just in case I die.**

**Anywhoo here's the Disclaimer: If you know it I don't own it.**

"My assignment that sucks Part two

By Sakura Haruno _and Itachi Uchiha_

What do you mean '_and Itachi Uchiha_ '? This is _my_ account of _my_ assignment thank you very much!

_According to my mother and your Boss it's my assignment too Blossom._

Well then write your account on a different book damn it! This is my notebook, MINE I TELL YOU, MINE!

_Hn._

You're actually _**writing**_ that word too? Get off!

Ahem now that the Uchiha has absconded (it's my word of the day) I may continue. Basically I came home to find him drinking my Orange Juice (MINE!). I don't know what obsession he has with taking things that are mine. Anyways barely three minutes into our interlude he got a call from his Mom whom I mentioned before, the grandchild-crazed woman? Only sane member of her clan? Yeah that's her. And boy was I wrong. Sane, tch what a misconception.

The minute he got that call wherein he was ordered to go back to his home bringing me along with him, he dragged me out into his beautiful Lamborghini and with nary a word to me, drove off.

And just my luck he drives like a maniac.

No sooner had the buckle fit into the...into the...bracket (?) that a sound rather like the squealing tires make in movies, was heard and I was so, so glad that my eyes closed instantly. While I couldn't see where exactly we were going my stomach was squirming in so many different directions I wished it didn't exist.

Do you know what he did when I closed my eyes even tighter and grabbed on to the handle on the side tightly? He laughed .That's right laughed. Chuckled. Chortled. Sniggered .And of course since I didn't want to miss the very rare sight of an Uchiha displaying emotion other than pride, arrogance, silent rage etc I turned to stare at him. And then realised he was still driving.

I have never been that terrified in my whole life. I'd take falling out of a tree and having branches hit my face on the way down, any day over riding in a car with Itachi fucking Uchiha.

"Scaredy-Cat." He muttered under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear. I of course didn't dignify him with a response. It would be far below me to respond to such crude ways of communication.

Seriously!

Okay fine so maybe I was still a bit in shock and maybe I didn't quite realise what was going on until he directed me into the living room of the aforementioned mansion and saw Cupid chatting and laughing over tea with Mikoto Uchiha.

I swear the minute Mikoto's eyes landed on me I heard the music of Psycho playing in my head. Even Itachi flinched at the maniacal gleam in her eyes.

Long story short Itachi and I are doing the assignment together. And no I did not flail when I heard the news. Nope .Absolutely not.

So we learnt then that Itachi can not only see through spells and all that he is also completely immune to them. That of course means that the spells I usually use for stealth cannot be used in this circumstance.

So here we are trying to be discreet in the-"

"What are you doing?" asked Itachi Uchiha to the tiny girl curled up with a book, a wide brimmed hat over her head and large sunglasses. As it turns out, trying to camouflage a pink haired girl with jade green eyes is a difficult task. Especially since the person they were trying to follow was Sasuke Uchiha paranoid extraordinaire.

"Really Sakura we might as well have left your hair open and left out the sunglasses. It's cloudy out and Sasuke will eventually notice that his aniki is following him in the company of a strange woman."He said snottily. Sakura stared at him indignantly.

"Yeah well a) I wouldn't have to camouflage myself if you weren't immune to spells b)I am not a strange woman and c)...c)...Damn I forgot I had it in mind just now but-"

"Duck!" Itachi said grabbing Sakura and dropping to the grass just as Sasuke turned his head around with a suspicious look on his face.

As Sakura lay winded under Itachi the latter was doing a weird twist with his head to check if Sasuke had seen them. When his brother finally left the area he sighed deeply and collapsed onto the grass next to Sakura's head.

"I remembered c), it's that to answer your aforementioned question, I'm writing the account of our journey so far. But I keep on getting interrupted by people and so I am only done with the whole scene at your house yesterday."

"Did you mention the part where they told us we have to work together and you started flailing and then burst into tears? And what about when you cried about you needed chocolate and your boss gave you a large chunk and apologised to my mother and I telling us that you were having your period and you turned red?"

Itachi soon regretted his words as Sakura's lower started to wobble and eyes filled with tears.

"It's not fair! I have to not only find a life partner for your brother but I'm also stuck with you !**You** , the person who doesn't seem to understand that this is not just some fun game you play , for me this is a shot at complete and utter freedom ! A chance to be able to go to Medical school without worrying about assignments and making actual friends not just checking out prospective candidates for people I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about and maybe finally getting a love life or just a life in general! I am so sick and tired of you and Cupid and all the damn **arrogance**! Your brother can take his duck-ass shaped head and shove it up your ass because you Uchihas are driving me NUTS AND I NEED A HUG and everyone keeps on talking about how I'm having my period!" At the last word the dam of tears broke.

Sakura wasn't normally this loud or this emotional a person. In fact many would say that she'd rival the Uchihas in terms of attitude but come a certain time of the month and she turned into a blubbering mess.

Itachi on his part wasn't purposely aggravating the girl .It just seemed to come to him like a reflex. Looking at the sobbing mess in front of him though he felt really bad for her. She was right. To him it was just a game, a chance to mess with his brother whereas it meant a lot more to her. But the dice had been rolled. She was going to be stuck with the man now whether either of them liked it or not. Itachi dared not go against his mother.

He always knew his mother was strange and had connections of her own. He just never expected them to be of the _divine_ sort. Since he couldn't give Sakura what she wanted and leave her to do her job the way she wanted to he did the next best thing.

Sakura looked up in surprise as arms surrounded her like a cocoon. Itachi Uchiha was hugging her. The man she had labelled an icicle was surprisingly warm.

"You're a good hugger."She said in surprise.

"Sorry to disappoint you." He still didn't let go of her even though she was clearly out of danger from crying now. He smiled down at the confused expression on her face. With her big eyes the candy-pink hair and the hat still on her head (how did that still manage to stay on?) she looked very much like a confused child.

"It's odd, you're so skinny I would expect your bones to stick into me and hurt."

"Well as you can see I'm not as skinny as you think."

Sakura showed her agreement by nodding absently.

"You did seem rather toned when you and your brother played basketball with the Akatsuki, Skins vs. Shirts."

A quirk of an eyebrow later Sakura blushed redder than Sasuke's beloved tomatoes. Speaking of the brother-

"Aniki?" A confused Sasuke's voice was heard by the two. When he continued to stare at the two they realised they were still entangled and Sasuke had realised that-

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**Dun dun dun dunnnnnn**

**Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, faved, put on alert and just plain old read the story! You guys rock! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

_Last time:_

"_Aniki?" A confused Sasuke's voice was heard by the two. When he continued to stare at the two they realised they were still entangled and Sasuke had realised that-_

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**Onwards**!

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They were following him. From the minute he had woken up that day, Sasuke had felt like he was being watched closely. While this wasn't out of the ordinary for him (his fan girls really needed to get a life), this wasn't quite the same. Today the guards had informed him that the fan girl situation had been taken care of by his brother and he trusted his Aniki.

As he stepped out of his house that day to go to the park to meet with Naruto, he could see someone from the corner of his eyes. For a moment he thought he recognised the person but pushed the thought out of his head. Of all people, why would _Itachi_ be following him?

Barely a few minutes later he stood watching his brother consoling a girl in a wide brimmed hat with dark sunglasses falling off her nose and crying her (pretty) jade eyes out.

He didn't know which bit was more shocking, that his brother was sitting in front of him with a crying girl in his arms or that he had been following him.

"Why were you following me?" he said suspiciously.

"Um I –we're-ugh" Flustered, Sakura did a very good impression of Hinata.

"We're dating." Itachi said calmly.

"WHAT?" The response came from both Sakura and Sasuke .Sakura caught on.

"Yeah we're here on a date."

"That doesn't quite explain why you're following me."Sasuke said in a strained voice. While most would have noticed the older Uchiha rather than the tiny pinkette, Sasuke seemed to be giving his almost undivided attention to Sakura.

She faked a sigh and began to lie with a level of skill neither of the Uchihas knew she had.

"When my friends heard I was dating the older brother of the famous Sasuke Uchiha, they dared me to follow you around."

Somehow Sasuke didn't quite believe it.

"Really?" Scepticism dripped from every syllable of the word.

"Yes well they heard great things about your skills of detection, one of them was a fan girl you see and she was fascinated by how you always seemed to know when they were around. So she bet me that I wouldn't be able to follow you around without being caught. And now I have to tell her I lost the bet." She concluded in a sullen tone.

"Aniki?" Sasuke turned to his brother questioning his presence. While the story seemed plausible enough (she did look familiar after all), he wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Hn." Was all the older Uchiha had to say. Of course Sasuke being well versed in the secret language of the Uchihas knew what this Hn meant.

'_Someone had to make sure she didn't get herself killed.'_

"Okay. I'm leaving now." Saying that he turned away and walked away a bit before turning back hesitantly. "Just... don't start following me again."

Unsure of how he was supposed to act around his brother when in the presence of Sakura, he left still confused at the events in the day. She reminded him of someone. If only he could remember who.

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"That was good acting. I'm surprised."

"Because _clearly_ your opinion means the world to me." Sakura sighed. If only Itachi wasn't immune to spells.

"Alright so what to do now? Following him again is out of question."

"Hn. What would you normally do?"

How often do you meet a person who works for a God by matchmaking Itachi thought to himself. Curiosity seared through his mind, and he was overcome by the desire to understand just how Sakura worked normally.

"Well normally I'd construct a history of the person and on basis of instances in his life where a connection with someone else is demonstrated I would try to find someone like that I guess. When things are difficult I usually use a program to calculate the probability of a relationship working out by giving their characteristics, habits etc assigned probabilities."

"And if that doesn't work out?"

"Then well I- "she began blushing. It was an embarrassing way to work after all. Not to mention crude and unscientific. But then again love never was an exact science.

"Then you?"

She coughed lightly and the blush didn't leave her face as she continued. "Then I find the anime character that the person resembles the most and on basis of who they are like I would base the kind of person I need to set them up with."

A smile tugged at Itachi's lips. Under that moody yet logical exterior was an anime fanatic. Who would have guessed?

"So I suppose we construct the history then. Go about the assignment as you would with others."

"Yes but you're immune to spells! So we can't go into his past and check out the actual history! And I'm scared of your mommy!"

He stared at her like she was an idiot and she continued to stare back with a distressed expression that wouldn't have been amiss on a child whose candy had just been stolen.

"I'm his older brother. I _lived_ in his history."Sakura's face brightened again and Itachi felt the tug on his lips. It seemed that no matter whether she was angry, crying or happy, she still made him want to smile more than he probably had in his entire life.

"Okay then we shall go to my house and you can read up on my old notes so you have an understanding of how to go about actually constructing the history. I'll get started on what I know."

An hour later Itachi and Sakura sat in the garden outside her house. He had just finished reading her notes regarding her forty-nine cases so far and come to a conclusion.

"You like this."

"What?" The way she tilted her head reminded Itachi of a small child and the smile grew just that little bit bigger.

"You like this job of finding people their perfect soul mate."

"What makes you think that?"She said with a snort. This job had taken up two years of her life so far. She was lucky to be a genius otherwise she'd be running out of time to build her life. Thank God for an eidetic memory!

"I've seen the notes you've made on your other assignments. You don't need to do all that. All you really need to do is find someone compatible with them so that they'd be content. But you try to make them happy, not just satisfied."

A small yet comfortable silence overtook them as Sakura remembered just why, no matter how much energy and life it sucked out of her, she'd do this all over again if she needed to.

"My mother was married to another guy before she met my Dad you know.

It was an arranged marriage, by the town's matchmaker. They had never met each other until the wedding day. The first few months they seemed to be happy and then things went downhill. He was beating her on a regular basis and torturing her. One time he locked her up in the house and lit a fire outside the door .All the windows and everything was shut and she was running out of oxygen.

Tsunade was to find the one for my father. She had been considering my mother as a candidate but then she got married. And while Cupid doesn't really mind the whole falling in love with someone while you're still married scenario as long as the married ones aren't in love, we have rules because none of the other Gods or Goddesses should be offended by our decisions and Hera most definitely would have had a problem with that.

But then Tsunade managed to find a loophole. She left an anonymous tip to the police about what that horrid man was doing and when they came to investigate, they found my mother passed out from lack of oxygen and that guy was still saying he had every right to do what he wanted because he owned her even as they were arresting him for attempted murder."

Itachi looked at the girl who knew too much and was far too mature for her age. The glazed look never left her eyes as she continued her story.

"My Dad was the EMT who had been called to revive my Mom. She says she woke up took a big deep breath of air and then she saw Dad for the first time and was promptly breathless all over again." Sakura giggled and a small shine came to her eyes.

"That's why I want to do my job well. To be someone else's miracle like Tsunade was my Mom's and by proxy mine. Because I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her."

"And then where would my Otouto be." He joked weakly still reeling from the

"Playing basketball with you for the rest of his life probably. Seriously though has he ever had a crush on anyone? Ever? Shown any human being in this Earth any special attention? Other than Naruto who's already taken so even if Sasuke was in love with him I wouldn't be able to do anything."

"Well there was this one girl..."

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**Please Review! ^_^**

**Oh and another thing, do you guys want an explanation of any Greek mythology involved in the story?**

**And apart from that, do you want the story of Cinderella from her 'Fairy God-Mother' Tsunade's point of view?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the late update but my sleeping rhythm's been super messed up and so I've been exhausted. Plus most people didn't update their stories so I felt the need to procrastinate. So I'll thank Mustsleep for updating 'A complicated series of events' because it made me feel like writing again. ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

_Last time:_

"_Well there was this one girl..."_

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**Onwards!**

"A Girl? Woooowwwww!" Sakura widened her eyes comically in response to Itachi who seemed to have stumbled into a story telling mood. If only she knew how this might turn out for herself. He smirked to himself and played along knowing all the while that when the story would end the result would be very, very amusing to watch indeed. His normally monotonous voice took on a dramatic tone, never quite losing its strength however as he began to tell the tale.

"Once upon a time, when Sasuke was naught but a child in kindergarten, fighting with others over crayons and employing dastardly playground tactics, he met a girl. She was from Suna and was only stayed in their grade a few weeks because it soon became very clear to all that she was a very smart child, much smarter than they gave credit to.

And while all the other girls swooned over Sasuke she picked flowers with her blonde friend and didn't notice the raven haired boy who stared at her when he thought no one was looking."

Sakura at that point had become completely engrossed in Itachi's story and sat on the grass legs crossed at her ankles arms crossed over her drawn knees .Who knew the Uchiha heir had such a flair for story-telling?

"But of course while the girl remained oblivious to his affections, his fan girls were not. Even at that age their vindictive nature began to show and they grew exceeding jealous of the girl who had caught their precious Sasuke-kun's attention.

One day while the rest o the class was playing and the girl went picking flowers they cornered her knowing the blonde wasn't there to save her that day because of an illness. They shoved her around and taunted her mercilessly teasing her to the extent that the girl as strong as she was started crying."

Sakura frowned at this she herself knew quite well what it was to be teased by your peers at such a young age. In fact had it not been for Ino who had saved her many a time in their childhood she would have been a very different person today. Shaking her head gently she turned back to Itachi who was watching her reactions with a growing smirk as if he knew what she was thinking.

"Sasuke then came out of nowhere and as the fan girls tried to hide what they had been doing but failed miserably. As he continued to glare at them they ran away crying because their precious Sasuke-kun was mad at them. He turned back to the little girl to ask if she was okay but in the commotion of it all she had run away and he was left standing there all alone.

The next day she didn't come to school but her blonde friend did. And through teary eyes she thanked Sasuke for saving her friend from the bullies but that he wouldn't have to do so anymore. She was moving back to Suna because her father had been transferred again. But the friend managed to pass along a note of gratitude from.

She thanked him for saving her from the bullies because even though she knew she'd grow into her forehead and her pink hair, it still hurt her that people could be so hateful.

And so Sasuke lost his first love Sakura Haruno."

For once in her life Sakura wasn't thinking. Even her conscience (*cough**inner**cough*) didn't say a word. The almond eyes were so wide open Itachi had to wonder how they didn't hurt. After a few minutes of spluttering and flailing her arms around, Sakura was finally able to talk coherently.

"Ino." She muttered in a malicious tone that had Itachi shivering as she remembered the events from the day she got Sasuke as her assignment**. (A/N Is it just me or do I use the word assignment a bit too much?)**

_She roughly started shoving the papers onto her desk. Every drawer she opened was closed with a slam and she was continually muttering curses under her breath. Letting out a deep sigh she cradled her head in her palm. It was not her day._

"_Forehead girl stop making so much noise. I'm trying to get the venom from the snake over here and I need to hit the right notes. I can't do that with you acting like an elephant in an antique store."_

_Confused by every single word that came out of Ino's mouth that didn't demean her, Sakura peered over the wall of her cubicle to see Ino intensely attempting the Mission 2: The emperor's secret on the 39 clues website. (__**A/N I just managed to crack it, go me! Ahem carrying on**__), and failing miserably._

"_DAMN YOU COBRA!" Ino yelled out as she failed to hit the right notes (just like she would in real life).That girl had issues that baffled even Sakura at times._

_Having thus failed her mission for what seemed to be the 30__th__ time this week, Ino turned to Sakura with a sigh._

"_Alright spill."_

"_My assignment is Sasuke Uchiha."_

_Ino smiled at Sakura which thoroughly confused her. Why would the fact that she got the most asexual person on the planet as her matchmaking assignment make Ino happy Sakura mused._

"_I officially believe in karma."_

"_Why?"_

"_Oh come on Forehead girl you do realise whom we're talking about?"_

"_The asexual Uchiha boy? The one with fan girls who scare me? The one whose hair looks like a duck has taken up permanent residence on his head?"Sakura started listing all the characteristics of Sasuke that were known to her._

"_No silly! You...You don't remember do you?" Ino had that odd look on her face that people get sometimes where they smile with their lips but their eyebrows frown._

"_Remember what?"_

_Ino looked at her for sometime as if trying to determine whether Sakura was lying, before a wicked smile that had warning bells ringing in Sakura's head grew upon her face._

"_Never mind, you'll know soon enough." She said in an ambiguous tone that did nothing to appease Sakura's fears before walking out smug._

"_Pig? What do you mean by that? PIG! Come back here, you wench!"_

She knew all along, Sakura thought to herself while still wondering how everyone remembered more about her childhood than she did.

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"My Assignment that sucks Part très.

By Sakura Haruno.

This has been a rather odd day. I found out that Sasuke is the boy who saved me from the bullies on my last day in kindergarten, from those twits Ami and Karin. Incidentally they were some of the fan girls who were outside his window that day .You know the one where I lost you and Itachi saw me and I fell out of the tree.

Yeah.

That was really unexpected. I mean I fully expected that adorable guy in Kg to turn into this totally handsome, cute guy. I mean Sasuke's pretty cute too but...not as cute I would have expected him to be. Really they don't look alike at all. Apart from the hair you'd never guess that _that_ kid grew up to be _Sasuke_.

It's actually kind of sad. But see that causes me to wonder a bit. If we find a person based on the fact that he used to like me when I was a kid then we have to take into consideration that he didn't really know me well back then. Not to mention if I could grow up to be such a different person then doesn't that also mean that Sasuke would have grown too and his type might have changed?

Plus there's a voice in me that says that it doesn't necessarily mean he was straight. I mean yeah so he showed some interest in me and I'm a girl, but it could be that being near my pink hair made him feel like he didn't have hide his flamboyant side that much.

Oh my God what if the fact that I was teased is the reason that he never came out of the closet?Maybe he got scared he would be bullied after seeing how I was treated and so he buried the fact that he was gay under years and years of frustration and pain?I MIGHT BE THE REASON SASUKE UCHIHA HASN'T COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!

Or he could be straight.

I need to find someone with a gaydar!

Well to be correct a gaydar that works. After Ino's Sai debacle (really even _I_ knew that guy bats for the other team what with all the talk of penises) I don't trust her gaydar.

That's decided tomorrow I'm going to call him, I'm going to call... "

**Dun dun dun dunnnnn**

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**So please review because it makes me want to write faster. And better.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know it's been a **_**long**_** time since I updated but this has been such an uninspiring bunch of weeks that even getting this out felt like pulling teeth and I'm no dentist!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. **

_Last Time:_

_Oh my God what if the fact that I was teased is the reason that he never came out of the closet?Maybe he got scared he would be bullied after seeing how I was treated and so he buried the fact that he was gay under years and years of frustration and pain?I MIGHT BE THE REASON SASUKE UCHIHA HASN'T COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!_

_Or he could be straight._

_I need to find someone with a gaydar!_

_Well to be correct a gaydar that works. After Ino's Sai debacle (really even I knew that guy bats for the other team what with all the talk of penises) I don't trust her gaydar._

_That's decided tomorrow I'm going to call him, I'm going to call... "_

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Ever since she was a little girl, Mikoto had always known that people underestimated her. When she was young it bothered her that everyone was surprised when she surpassed most others but as she grew up she realised how much more power she wielded over them by being underestimated. She used it to her full advantage and it had resulted in the attention of Aphrodite being lathered upon her. The goddess of love had rather a penchant for as consummate a woman as Mikoto was. That she was able to see through enchantments and was immune to spells made her a perfect companion for the goddess and her loyalty was rewarded. Even now Fugaku had no idea that for all his many connections, Mikoto had friends in much _higher_ places than his would ever be in.

She soon realised though that she had lost this element of surprise when it came to her sons, mainly the elder one. While Sasuke still maintained a slightly protective attitude (albeit unnecessarily so), Itachi was not so easily fooled by her innocent act. It made sense though after all Itachi did take after her quite a bit while Sasuke was rather like his father. It saddened her that the social awkwardness might have been hereditary.

But as much as it entertained her to see them in such confusion, they were still her sons. And so it was with their best interests in mind that she had asked Cupid to help her out a bit.

And if she got amused along the way then so be it.

"Okaa-san."

"Hello Sasuke-Chan!" Really that tick in his left eye was fascinating to watch.

"Do you-Um Have you met Sakura Haruno?" An eyebrow flew up as her son stumbled over words. It seems Sasuke had met his matchmaker, but how much did he know about it all she wondered.

A beatific grin broke over her face and Sasuke edged away from her a bit.

"Of course I've met Sakura-Chan! But I didn't realise _you_ knew her!"Sasuke relaxed visibly.

"Yes well I met Itachi and her while they were out on a date..." Quickly deciding they had used that as a cover for stalking him, she looked at her younger son carefully and noted the slight blush on his face and decided he was hiding something from her.

"And?"

He hesitated before finally answering

"And she was in my class in kindergarten."The barely there blush on his face became almost visible and Mikoto smiled at the implications. It would be fun for Sakura, she thought, being fought over by the two famous Uchihas. She remembered her own experiences with Madara and Fugaku.

"Sasuke please inform your brother that Sakura is to join us for dinner this evening." If there was a spectacle in the making she was going to be in the front row.

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Sakura had found it was easier to concentrate when there was loud music blasting through your ears or while a slasher/zombie movie was playing in the background. In fact most of her studying for her exams last May had been done while watching The Resident Evil series loudly. So it was while softly head banging to the music of Deftones and writing her psychoanalysis of Sasuke Uchiha that her phone rang suddenly startling her and caused her to jump up saying 'My ass is vibrating!'.

"Hello?"

"Sakura, your presence is requested at dinner tonight."

"Who the hell is this?"

"..."

"Hello?"

"This is Itachi."

"How the hell did you get my cell number?"

"I'm an Uchiha."

"Oh and that allows you to invade someone's privacy like this?"

"Let me repeat and rephrase the former statement. My _Mother _humbly _requests_ your presence at dinner this evening" Well aware of their mutual fear of his Mikoto Uchiha, Itachi used this to coerce her into attending what was bound to be an uncomfortable, quiet and very awkward dinner.

"Oh."

"Hn. I'll see you then."

"Wait, can I bring a friend?"

Her evening was ruined anyways; Sakura figured she might as well as get some work done.

"A friend?"

"Yes."

"Why?" The surprise in his tone made Sakura smile. She had made it one of her 'missions' in life to cause Uchihas to feel unexpected emotions. And if she was allowed to bring her friend along with her it would most certainly further her 'mission' a lot.

"He can help me."

"Hn."

"I don't speak the secret language of the Uchihas. You need to use actual words with me."

"Okay."

"Wonderful. Should I doll up?"

"If you wear something normal it would be better."

"By normal you mean?"

"Something not neon and/or multicoloured." Well that ruled out most of her wardrobe. Pity because she really wanted to wear her new neon yellow SpongeBob Squarepants tee. It matched her sneakers. And glowed in the dark which was always good considering the number of power cuts Konoha had been facing recently.

"So you want me to dress like an Uchiha? I never knew we were getting this serious in our relationship!" She said, sarcasm oozing from her voice.

"You're on speakerphone."

"I know. I can hear Sasuke stuffing his face with tomatoes and Mikoto-sama smirk."

" ... "

" ..."

"Of course you can. I'll see you this evening."

"Bye Itachi-Chan!"

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Itachi had no doubt that tonight was going to be a disaster. It had all the impending signs of doom. His mother was smirking , his brother was so nervous he was eating tomatoes every few minutes(at last count it was 10 tomatoes an hour) , his father was using facebook to stalk Sakura (he had to commend her for some _very_ rigid privacy settings) to find out about the girl that Mikoto approved of.

So when Sakura showed up in a plain white racer back tank top and grey plaid hot shorts with studded suspenders paired with neon yellow heels he didn't bat an eye, although she looked like she stole a schoolboy's uniform and ripped it up a bit. He didn't bat an eye when she showed up on the arm of Deidara either.

"This is not what I meant by formal attire. And Deidara", He sniffed haughtily," Is not what I thought you meant by friend."

She sighed deeply and slung an arm around Itachi's shoulder, which she was only able to reach because of those towering heels.

"Look we both know that it's going to be awkward as hell. So let's try to have some fun with it. That way your mother will be happy because we're keeping her entertained and this guy," she nodded and pointed her thumb at Deidara who was ooh-ing and aah-ing over the mansion," Has an unbelievable gaydar which will undoubtedly be very helpful in our mission. If worse comes to worse we embarrass Sasuke by saying that we thought he and Deidara would hit it off. So you see it's a win-win situation."

"Sasori will not like that."

Apparently he and Sakura had friends in common. Why and how she was friends with a gang member like Akatsuki was beyond him though.

"Yes well I don't like Sasori .And who knows if Sasuke and Deidara _do_ hit it off then not only will I be done with my assignment but Sasori will officially be dumped and I will get to watch the waterworks."

He proceeded to stare at Sakura who had an odd gleam in her eye and was grinning in a way that was very reminiscent of The Grinch (not that he had ever seen that movie. Of course not. Tch.) .He had the distinct feeling she was holding back an evil laugh not unlike the super villains in comic books.

"No wonder my Mother likes you."

She was still looking off into space and while staring at an abstract point (no doubt imagining Sasori's humiliation) she giggled.

"I would disagree but that would be lying."

That said she floated into the foyer while pretending to be a ballerina playing the role of the swan princess Odette.

"You should know she's hyper."Deidara said." Five pixie sticks and three cans of soda. And a whole lot of video games."

"How do you get hyper from playing video games?"

"It causes the dopamine levels in the brain to rise. It's kinda sad but she doesn't even get this whacked out of it when she's _actually_ high."

Itachi wanted to ask Deidara when and why he had seen Sakura high but had to bite down the question and pull Sakura off of Sasuke whom she was glomping and calling Ducky in a breathy tone.

"Itachi."A cold voice said his name and Itachi flinched .Holding a squirming pink-haired girl under his arm with a red-faced Sasuke and giggling Deidara for company he turned towards the speaker.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Said...

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***Puppy dog eyes* Review please?**

**Oh and is anyone finding the shift in perspective confusing by any chance?**


	7. Chapter 7

**So I clearly don't understand the concept of updating regularly. Please forgive me! And thanks to every single one who reviews !I would reply to each one of them but I'm still in shock that I get any to begin with.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize .But the plot is mine .Oh well, something is better than nothing right? **

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**Last time:**

_Itachi wanted to ask Deidara when and why he had seen Sakura high but had to bite down the question and pull Sakura off of Sasuke whom she was glomping and calling Ducky in a breathy tone._

_"Itachi."A cold voice said his name and Itachi flinched .Holding a squirming pink-haired girl under his arm with a red-faced Sasuke and giggling Deidara for company he turned towards the speaker._

_"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Said..._

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**Onwards!**

"Madara." The lack of the honorific for someone clearly much older than Itachi piqued Sakura's sugar addled mind. She knew that he was nothing but polite and appropriate and it seemed odd then that he would talk in such a sullen (for an Uchiha) tone with someone. "Did Okaa-san invite you?"

The man known as Madara smirked. Slowly the haze of being deliriously happy was fading from her mind and the drunken smile on her face was leaving as well. She was reminded then, that she didn't really want to be there and Itachi was still holding her under his arm like a basketball. It didn't appeal to her (though he felt very nice and warm).

"You can let go of me now." Without looking away from Madara, Itachi set her down on the ground gently. Dusting herself she looked up to see that while Itachi was still glaring at Madara, the older man was looking at her with a bit too much interest for her to be comfortable.

"My dearest nephew, "The sickly sweet drawl sent shivers down her spine."You have yet to answer my question. Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Sakura this is my uncle Madara. Madara this is Sakura," He paused but knew what he had to say. Sakura would have liked to think that if he had been anyone but Itachi Uchiha he would have twitched."My girlfriend."

And so it was that Sakura found herself bare to the scrutiny of many Uchihas at their mahogany dining table while Itachi sat next to her in a stony silence.

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Being a pessimist had a lot of perks. As Sasuke had once heard it being put, you're either always right or pleasantly surprised. And he liked the fact that with his life, it was usually pleasantly surprised (though being right was something that came very naturally to him as well especially when involving his fan girls).

But even he couldn't have predicted this. While barely 10 minutes ago Sakura had been climbing up his head and calling him Ducky-Chan, here she was now seated between Itachi and him with the straightest face he had ever seen on her, stiff backed and right across Madara.

Their father had often told them how he and Madara had wooed their mother and of course the best man won. But considering the way his mom smirked through the tales of how she was regaled, Sasuke had often wondered if Mikoto-Sama had just been stringing them along for her own entertainment.

Probably not.

"So Sakura what exactly is it that you do." His father was the one who asked but it was Madara who seemed to be hungry for the answer (and hungry for other things as well). Naruto said it best when he described the man as a #$*ing creepy paedophile. The only person Sasuke knew who could surpass Madara was Orochimaru. The thought of the way _that_ man looked at him sent shivers down his spine.

His shiver caught Sakura's attention and she turned to ask him if he was okay and he swore he could see a halo around her pink hair and shook his head to clear it. Turning his head away he let his hair cover his face and muttered an 'I'm fine. 'She turned to his father and answered his question. Not that Sasuke heard the words she said. It all just sounded like a tiny bell chiming.

Sweet, sweet Sakura. Why did she have to be with his Aniki? To finally find her again after all these years only to lose her to his own brother! How had his life turned into such a soap opera? It seemed as if the fates had been conspiring against him.

And so it was that Sasuke realised he spent _way_ too much time with Neji .And Naruto.

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My assignment that sucks part ceithre

(Google translate says that ceithre is four in Irish. All hail the Great Google Gods!)

So, had dinner with the Uchihas today. It was not fun. Their uncle Madara had been invited and he creeps me out. I mean seriously people that creepy should not be allowed to frolic around in public. They're evil. If there's one thing I've learnt from The Dark Knight it is to never trust a man that giggles.

Seriously he giggles. Imagine the Joker without any make-up .Now imagine him as an Uchiha. So you see if you put that diabolical, megalomaniacal not to mention pure evil mind in a normal Uchiha body you get Madara.

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

See I got really, really hyper on sugar and coke(the fizzy beverage not the illegal drug) and then Dei-kun picked me up and we made our merry way to The Uchiha Mansion and I was all psyched cause I figured eh None of us really wants to be here might as well as go crazy and scare some people. And so I was like crazy happy and then my thoughts of Sasori suffering were interrupted when this mad cold voice started talking. It was so cold I sobered up like someone threw a bucket of water on my head. But then he saw me right, (by 'he' I mean Madara just so you know) and the next thing I know he's all purring and stuff.

So CREEEEEPYYYY!

And I think he tried to kiss my hand like they do in the movies and be all "Enchante Mademoiselle" but Itachi and Sasuke saved me and said that I wasn't feeling all too well and swept me away so I could splash some water on my face.

So after my mood to part-ey was totally ruined I realised that I had forgotten where I had left Deidara and Itachi said "He'll be fine. Now drink some water." And thrust a glass of water in my face. As if water is the answer to all the problems in the world.

And then after I was sufficiently calm and did not feel the urge to call Sasuke Ducky again we went and sat down at the table. And of course I was right across Madara. Because that's just how my life works.

So we're all at the dining table and it's quiet. Even Deidara was quiet. Which is saying something. I expected him to have blown up something in the room by then.

Mr Uchiha (Sasuke and Itachi's father) asked me what I did.

His exact words:"So what exactly is it that you do Sakura?"

I hate that question. I mean how do you answer that question? Oh nothing just the usual you know eat sleep drink plan your destruction and then sleep some more. Of course in my case it would be more along the lines of eat sleep drink stalk your younger son while your elder one breathes down my neck and try to avoid your wife at all costs while still doing my job of making people fall in love.

Wow that was a mouthful. Not that I'm actually saying it. Okay so yeah I am saying it .How do you not say it out loud I mean really how else would you get all the tone of voice and everything down?

Wow I have issues with staying on track.

Anyways he asked me what I do and Sasuke shivers next to me and when I ask him if he was okay he said I'm fine and looked down into the table. I figured he was just embarrassed about me calling him Ducky of course Deidara had a different opinion about it but that comes later on in the story.

So I tell him that I graduated early a bunch of years early cause of my super photographic memory and so I'm done with college and all so taking some time off before venturing into the real world. Of course I made it sound all smart and logical stuff back then but whatever. Right now I don't care.

And so the entire time all that was happening was Fugaku interrogated me while Madara seemed a bit too interested in all of my answers and praised me a lot. A lot, a lot, **a lot**! He just kept on leering and every time he looked in my direction I felt like hiding behind Itachi who to his credit did his best to make me feel comfortable.

That's a nice thing about Itachi. He makes me feel safe.

Unless he's driving.

At the end of the disastrous night Deidara and I walked back. Itachi had offered to drive us back but I needed to talk to Deidara anyways so we walked it back.

Because while the night had been absolutely and utterly horrendous it had been expected to be awkward. I did not expect Deidara to be so quite or to even know Itachi for that matter.

After a while of walking in silence I asked Deidara what he thought of the night and what his opinion of Sasuke was. He laughed and said, "You know you're the densest person in the world. That boy is straight and not only is he straight he has the biggest crush on you ever! I swear he was one second away from propping his chin up on his hand and heaving sighs every two seconds all the while staring at you like you're a gift from God and you didn't even notice!"And then I got home and had a lot of sugar.

I suppose that's the biggest problem here isn't it? It seems like the main issue of this assignment is that I just am not able to focus on Sasuke! It's like every time I even get close to the _thought_ of a breakthrough with him something comes up and grabs my attention .On a certain level it seems like divine intervention which given that I work for the God of intimate love isn't really that far off. I suppose everything I do is really divine intervention in a way.

But this case needs divine intervention from the Gods themselves.

I think I need to talk to Cupid again. Le sigh .

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**Please review! And if you hate the chapter then please tell me about it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Another chapter! **

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a recipe for tomato soup. And Naruto isn't tomato soup so by default I don't own Naruto!**

**Note: Spell-check keeps on trying to convince me that Pinkette is Pancetta. Now I'm no genius but I really, **_**really**_** doubt that Sakura is a 'pancetta'**

_Last time_

_But this case needs divine intervention from the Gods themselves._

_I think I need to talk to Cupid again. Le sigh ._

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**Onwards!**

It was a sunny day but Sakura still wore her sweater with the sleeves going past her knuckles tickling her fingers. She liked the way it felt like a warm hug a bit too much. It was into a quaint cafe that she went, sitting down at a small table near the window and sipped on a slushy as she waited.

A beautiful blonde man waltzed into the cafe and grabbed everyone's attention with the dimpled smile and the astounding air of _love_ about him.

Sakura sighed into the cold beverage and sunk deeper into the plush red chair. This was why she didn't like meeting Cupid in public. He attracted attention in a way that made her exasperated(Although Ino thought she was just jealous that she didn't get such attention even with her pink hair).She always found it difficult to talk to a person with a million eyes and ears were attempting to follow the conversation. Though they were usually too dazed by his sheer beauty to actually _understand_ the conversation.

"So," He said and took off the sunglasses. "Want to tell me about it."

Two cappuccinos, one watermelon sorbet and a shared chocolate brioche later Sakura had told Cupid about every single thing that had happened since she got her assignment. Even if he couldn't help her, maybe he'd just assign Sasuke to someone else after seeing all the misery she had gone through.

For God's sake she was just seventeen and she had just done the "Meet the Parents" deal! With a guy she wasn't even dating!

"So if I understand this right, Sasuke is an emotionally retarded person who has a huge crush on you, which is not reciprocated to the point where he doesn't even manage to hold on to your attention."

"Yes exactly!"

He leant back in his chair and she swore every person in the cafe apart from her followed his motion and sighed. "So are you sure you don't like him? It's not at all reciprocated?"

"It's just that I...I'm not attracted to him."

His face seemed to beg her to for an elaboration.

"I don't like him like _that_."

He cocked his head like a puzzled puppy though Sakura knew he understood what she meant very well.

"In the intimate way"

The sceptical look on his face made her eye twitch.

"For heaven's sake man, I just don't want to sex him up!"

It was then she remembered that they were in a cafe filled with people who were all staring at them.

A mother clapped her hands over her son's ears and glared at Sakura before huffing out the place as her son asked her what sex is and why the pretty lady didn't want to do that to anyone.

Awkward.

And then Cupid turned to everyone on the cafe and grinned and everyone was once again dazzled by him and calmed down.

"It's okay Sakura. You know I'm not the God of Love. I'm the God of _intimate_ love. I'm literally a sex God."

"You just wanted to say God a lot of times don't you?"

"Why yes I just won a bet with Ares thanks to you."

"I loathe you."

"Of course you do. Now listen up girlie, just because Itachi is involved in this assignment doesn't mean that he needs to be the star of this show. You can use the fact that you're 'dating' him without him actually being there. Because it seems to me like he distracts you a bit too much for you to be able to concentrate on Sasuke. And for that matter you don't really hate this assignment."That said, he got up and Sakura followed him to the counter as he paid the bill, perplexed.

"Of course I do."

"No you don't .Admit it Sakura this isn't so much about the assignment as it is about your fear of failure."

"I guess. I mean it's been fun and all but if I fail to set up Sasuke with someone then I have two more assignments to deal with and I can't afford that right now. The new semester is beginning in a few months and I really need to focus on that right now."

"You know there's nothing you can do to make me believe that. You just want a perfect record. You're such a nerd."Sakura dropped it knowing there was no convincing him about it.

"Okay but what do I do about Sasuke's crush on me? I don't exactly have a lot of practice in that kind of stuff."

"Tell you what you can take as much help you want from Ino for this one."

The only reaction that statement garnered was a sigh.

"Aw cheer up. Tell you what I'm going to make this your last assignment whether you succeed or fail."

Sakura sighed. But no matter how many times she did that (which was 27 times in the past hour at last count) it wouldn't change his mind. He knew that in the end she'd be thanking him and that made him feel better.

But she didn't know that yet.

As they walked out the cafe everyone in the cafe shook their head trying to figure out what had been doing the past hour. It was as if they had been mesmerized into a trance.

But the young (at heart) God and pinkette didn't notice the obsidian eyes trailing their figures.

.

.

.

"Sakura! Itachi's here again."

Women are loud. Pregnant women are especially loud. At least that's what Itachi concluded after the ringing in his ears stopped.

He hadn't seen Sakura since the fiasco of a dinner that was Saturday and it was now Thursday already.

It had been a tiring week so far as his father had worked him to the bone. While it wasn't unusual for Itachi to work long hours he was still human and unused to going more than 48 hours without sleep. All the paperwork his father had him going over made his head hurt.

Itachi had just arrived at his home, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to fall onto his bed and sleep for a good ten hours when his PDA reminded him of his appointment with Sakura. Without wasting any time changing out of the suit he wore to work he rushed off to Sakura's.

So when Sakura piled down the stairs at a leisurely pace in paint splattered loose tee and sweatpants rubbing sleep from her eyes, he grew inordinately envious.

Here was another example of a genius not unlike himself and yet she was clearly allowed to be a normal person. He pondered then, the difference a last name can make.

"What year is it?" she said blearily and stared at him through sleepy eyes and then proceeded to slap herself awake.

On second thought maybe he was better off as an Uchiha.

"We were supposed to meet today."

She blinked and he noticed the bunny plushy she was dragging along with her.

She told him to go up to her room punctuating the order with a yawn and herself plodded off into the kitchen from where sounds of pots and pans were soon heard and he went up the stairs only to stand at the landing, staring at 4 doors with no idea which one led to Sakura's room.

"It's the second one on the left." Mrs Haruno's voice came from beside him. He hadn't even heard her coming and he was trained to be alert even when dead on his feet. He wondered how she was so light on her feet when carrying a child inside her.

"Aren't you worried that a strange man is going into your daughter's room?" Itachi asked, genuinely confused .Weren't parents supposed to be concerned that a much older boy was making his way into their young and impressionable daughter's room?

She shrugged and said," You aren't the strangest one to drop in to visit Sakura to be honest." before going down again.

And _his_ family was supposed to be weird.

He entered the room not knowing what to expect. They say our personal space reflects who we are. What would Sakura's room be like then?

He swung the door with the poster of a ballerina open and found a room that was messy but in a lived in way .The deep brown of the large four poster bed was contrasted by a bedspread with the face of Heath Ledger's Joker on it, grey blankets messily thrown around and tons of big fluffy pillows. On a bed that was calling out to him.

"_Sleep on me_" it seemed to say. And who was he to ignore its call?

And so it was that five minutes later Sakura came up to her room again she found the Uchiha hair fast asleep on her bed.

.

.

.

"Hn?" It puzzled Sakura that a syllable could have so many different meanings. It was almost as versatile as the word fuck.

"You fell asleep so I called your mother and told her not to wait up for you." Sakura said dryly from where she sat daintily with her feet tucked under her legs at the end of the bed where Itachi's feet rested next to her.

He pulled himself up the bed resting his head on the headboard, still a bit sleepy.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About two hours. You really shouldn't exhaust yourself like that you know. It's not good for your health. It's no wonder you have those stress marks under your eyes."

He waved her off still blinking the sleep from his eyes and remembered something.

"Didn't you just wake up when I came over?"

"Yes but _I_ have insomnia."

"Hn."

"Hn." It didn't quite sound the same when she said it.

"What did your mother mean when she said you've had stranger men than me come over?"

"Oh that! It's nothing really. The Akatsuki boys like to drop in and pay me a visit sometimes."

"Hn."

"How can you sleep in a suit? Isn't it uncomfortable? You're still wearing your jacket! I'm surprised you fell asleep in that."

And that was all it took for Itachi to regain his self-assurance. He folded his arms behind his head sinuously almost in slow motion. And Sakura followed every move breathlessly.

"Is that your way of telling me to strip?"

He expected her to blush and stutter and look away nervously. He did not expect her to look him up and down and ogle him without shame.

"If I said yes, would you?" She smiled at him mischievously, waggling her eyebrows and biting her lip. She laughed when his composure faltered a bit. "Relax I'm not going to rape you. Plus it's nothing I haven't seen before. That was my way of asking you if you wanted something more comfortable to wear. I can get you some of my Dad's clothes if you want."

"That would be adequate."

She flounced out of the room and left Itachi to his thoughts.

"_What does she mean by nothing I haven't seen before?"_

While she was out Itachi got up and wandered about the room looking at the knick-knacks she had gathered. Photos were lying around in frames and some on the walls. One of her in lime green spectacles in graduation garb with her parents made him laugh. Some of the most recent ones had a blonde girl with a fondness for purple and Deidara in them with occasional cameos by Sasori and the rest of the Akatsuki boys. He noticed a small trophy of some kind on one of the desks but before he could get a closer look she came back in with a small bundle of clothes in her arms.

"You can change in the bathroom."

By the time he came back she had settled down on the foot end on her bed again and he took a closer look at the trophy to realise it was made of Paper Mache and shaped like a misshapen thumb.

He picked it up. "And what might this be?"

She took a deep breath and puffed up with pride." That would be my trophy for being the winner of the Konoha University Thumb wrestling tournament."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"A Thumb wrestling tournament?"

"Yep."

"And how exactly did that happen?"

"Long story short, we were all bored and the snowstorm had resulted in the lines for power going down."

"Really?"

"Yeah that's how I met the Akatsuki boys. I beat them all at Thumb wrestling."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I beat Sasori in the finals to emerge the winner of the first ever Thumb wrestling tournament held in the history of Konoha University. Ridiculous, I know but those guys are pretty competitive. Deidara was the only one who wasn't sore over losing to me and made this silly little trophy shaped like a thumb in one of his art classes and gave it to me so that I could permanently lord it over all the other guys."

A nostalgic smile took over her face.

"Do you miss it?" He asked wondering what she would have been like as a fourteen year old.

"Don't you?"

"Well I was twelve years old when I was in college. People kept on talking about how I only got into the college because of my parents. I didn't really have any friends there."

"Sucks to be you." Sakura said. She was nothing if not blunt and honest.

"Hn."

"Again with that word!"She threw her hands into the air exasperated and gestured wildly while complaining about Uchihas and their moronic monosyllable answers.

Itachi smirked at her from where he sat across her.

"Let's make a bet. If I lose I'll never use the word 'Hn' again."

She looked at him suspiciously.

"Go on."

"We'll thumb wrestle for it." He said with such relish, it scared her.

"And if I lose?"

He clucked his tongue at her."Such confidence in your abilities?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and growled, scrunching up her nose.

"You're on."

They started the game and linked their hands in a monkey grip their thumbs outstreched and grappled to pin the others thumb under their she concentrated on their hands he concentrated on her. The way her tongue peeked out as she tried to pin his thumb down and the grin that took over her face made him smile. She looked up wondering why he wasn't even trying, only to find his face a bit too close to hers. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips and pulled her closer using the hands that were entwined.

He waited for her to respond and as soon as he felt the Cherry Blossom's namesake slant her mouth against his, he deepened the kiss moving his hands to her waist as she raised hers to his head, burying them in his clung to each other as if trying to occupy the same space.

They broke apart breathing heavier and she smiled softly, leaning her forehead against his.

"So who won that round?"

A husky chuckle sounded through her room and he spoke, his voice sounding lower than normal. "I'd say it was a tie this time. Maybe we should try again to determine a winner."

She smiled again rubbing her nose against his in an eskimo kiss before looking up at him bashfully. "I think I'd like that."

With that said he pulled her even closer and continued 'trying'.

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"Hana put that glass away! That's our daughter you're listening in on!" Tatsuya Haruno said but his wife shooed him away.

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**That was my longest chapter to date! I edited it five times before actually posting it and this is my first time attempting to write _anything _relatively fluffy (in my entire life) so...**

**Please Review!**

**Oh and Mikoto is not a sadist. She's just an agent of Chaos! Muahahahahahahahaahhahah**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been a long time! I'm sorry I didn't update earlier but I had the scenario in mind and could not find a way to put it in words properly but I knew that this is what had to happen so I tried and tried and tried until finally I was relatively satisfied with what I had!**

**Anyways thanks for all the reviews and alerts and stuff like that!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

_Last time:_

"_Hana put that glass away! That's our daughter you're listening in on!" Tatsuya Haruno said but his wife shooed him away._

Onwards!

_._

_._

_._

Ino and Sakura sat across each other in the bustling cafe perfectly still as if in a competition to see who could go the longest without moving. They were after all, arch-rivals.

"So"

"So"

"You've been making out with a boy."

"No I haven't!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well he isn't exactly a boy now is he? He's a man."Sakura frowned," Which is a bit of an issue since I'm not 17 yet."

"At least you're getting some." Ino sighed. "I miss being in a relationship."

"Yes, because Sai was such a wonderful boyfriend. To Shin." Sakura deadpanned.

"Hey he wasn't that bad!" she looked away sighing dreamily," It was nice to be called Gorgeous all the time. Does wonders for the self esteem you know."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Sakura said sheepishly looking away from Ino at the floor tucking her hair behind her ear almost bashfully. She was a really good liar, except for when it came to lying to Ino.

Narrowing her eyes at Sakura Ino scowled, "What do you know?"

"Pft, nothing! I mean what could I possibly know? Really, ridiculous!"

"Sakura."

"I don't want to say." She said dropping all pretence. "It's mean."

"The guy dumped me."

"Yeah."

"For another guy."

"I know but-"

"I think I deserve to know."

Sakura took a deep breath before blurting it out at what seemed to be the speed of light. "Well he read in a book that you nickname people with the opposite of what you think of them."

"So when he called me Gorgeous he meant the opposite."

"Yeah."

A brief silence followed where Ino slipped into an almost catatonic state.

"Huh."

"I'm sorry-"

"And when he called you hag and ugly he meant-"

Sakura shook his head vigorously. "Oh no he meant **that**. By the time I met him, Deidara had told him it was wrong to nickname people like that and you're supposed be honest in that kind of stuff."

Ino proceeded to make a series of faces that ranged from constipated to the verge of crying. It was like a book of anime expressions was being enacted out.

"Are you going to cry?" Sakura started to panic a bit before Ino shot her an incredulous look. Really, crying over Sai who was ridiculously annoying to begin with! "I don't know what you saw in him to begin with. Really he was so pasty it was creepy. He looked like a paper version of Sasuke."

She noted the slight blush that grew on Ino's face with glee before her blonde companion changed the topic.

"Let's talk about the older version of Sasuke that you're getting comfy with shall we?"

"Itachi doesn't look like Sasuke! Sasuke looks like his mother whereas Itachi looks like his father. Plus Itachi's jaw line is so bloody beautiful! It's all chiselled and cut and -"

"Yeah okay I get the point." Ino grinned. Sakura was always amusing when in her rapturous, needy mode. It was a welcome change to the contemptuous pessimist that she usually was. It always surprised her that Sakura proclaimed herself to be a pessimist while being so ready to laugh and so willing to hope for the best in people. "You don't need to go into too much detail."

"Cool."

"No actually you _do_ need to go into a bit more detail. What was it like?"

"Well it wasn't very-" Sakura was cut off by the waitress who came over with their drinks. A mocha latte for Ino and for Sakura a weird bubbling green concoction that looked like the potion from the cover of one of the Harry Potter books.

"What _is_ that?"

"Split pea soda." Sakura said, nonchalant.

Cerulean eyes widened in horror.

"Oh look there's Sasuke!" Sakura said oblivious to the blonde's growing trepidation."Hey Sasuke, over here!" she said and waved her hand to catch his attention.

.

.

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"Hey Sasuke, over here!" Sakura beckoned him over to the booth where she was seated accompanied by a familiar blonde.

To say that Sasuke was confused when Sakura called him up on his brother's phone was an understatement. It had been five in the morning when his phone rang and the word 'Aniki' flashed across the display. He had picked it up still in a sleepy haze to hear a breathy whisper calling his name.

He shot up in bed wondering if one of his fan girls had kidnapped his brother.

"Sasuke! This is Sakura."

"Sakura?" He said in a slightly high pitched tone. After all, it isn't everyday your brother's girlfriend (whom you have a massive crush on) calls up from his cell phone at dawn.

"Yeah look I'm whispering cause I don't want Itachi to hear this and wake up," Sasuke wondered if it was possible to be punched in the stomach by someone's words, "and I was wondering if you could meet me today?"

"Today? I suppose so...Wait why don't you want Itachi to know you're talking to me?"

"I don't care if he knows I'm talking to you! Where'd you get that idea?" She said her voice rising to a normal volume.

"Well then why were you whispering?"

"I just didn't want him to wake up."

"Did he wake up then?"

"Nah He's sleeping like a baby." Sasuke shuddered at the thought of what activities had tired Itachi to that point. "So could you meet me today? At the Soleil Cafe at around 11 or so?"

"Yeah sure."

"Awesome! I'm sorry if I woke you up but I just remembered and I needed to make sure I called you before I forgot that I had thought of you."

Oh look there's that punched feeling again. Ouch.

"Thanks that's what every person wants to hear."

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that! It's just that I forget stuff and you don't come up in my mind a lot so I wouldn't have been reminded to call you."

Again, Ouch.

"Agh! That's not what I meant! You get it though, right?"

"Hn."

"Yeah so 11 at Soleil, see you there."

And so it was that Sasuke found himself standing in front of Ino and Sakura at 11 sharp.

"Yo." Sakura said with a nod of the head. Ino rolled her eyes at her friends greeting and turned to Sasuke with her own conventional hello.

"Hi." He stood a bit away from them .There was a voice in his head that was telling him to proceed with extreme caution.

"Why are you standing there? Sit down silly!"

He shuffled into the seat opposite the two girls. Sakura was staring at him with mild interest while making raspy slurping noises loudly using the straw that was wedged in her mouth and Ino was staring at the weird bubbling concoction that Sakura was having.

"Hn."

Sakura glared at him and forgot about the drink responding with a 'Hn' of her own.

"So why'd you want to see me?"

She took the straw out of the concoction and licked the end. His breathing turned shallow as he stared at her fascination. Finally she turned to him.

"I wanted blackmail material on Itachi."

"I don't know..." Itachi was his Aniki after all. Yes he had taken Sakura away from him and okay he may make fun of his obsession with tomatoes every chance he got. And then there was the fact that talked to him in that patronizing tone and ruffled his hair like he was 4 years old again or that he took every opportunity he got to call him foolish little brother in front of his friends in a way that made even Naruto snigger at him. "Yeah okay."

Four hours later found Sasuke still there with Ino and Sakura. He hadn't realised it could be fun to hang out with those of the other gender. All the girls he'd ever known were either psychotic (Temari, fan girls etc) or kept on fainting (Hinata).

"-and he was so _high_ on the Nyquil that he jumped around in the kitchen singing a baking song!"

"Are you serious?", Sakura said between guffaws.

"Absolutely! He was singign it to the tune of that bone song.I think it was something like,_The muffin tray goes into the oven, the oven is set to 350 degrees_-" he started singing much to the amusement of the two girls .

Finally when all the laughing was done Ino wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and turned to Sasuke.

"So what were you planning on doing today? You know if you hadn't been commanded to meet us by Miss Wannabe Hitler here." She said pointing her head towards Sakura who rebuffed the accusation with a roll of her eyes.

"Nothing actually. That's the thing with summer vacations. You never really know how you'll end up spending them. You could be force fed ramen by an idiot one day and you could find yourself in the company of two beautiful women the next."

Sakura snorted and wound up choking on her drink while Ino accepted the compliment graciously.

"And here I was thinking you were socially inept." Sakura quipped.

Sasuke had no idea where people got the idea that he was unable to interact with people in a normal fashion. He'd been trained in manners and social conventions since a very young age after all.

"Sakura! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, would you!"

Sakura flailed before finally coming up with an argument while Sasuke continued to watch in amusement as the two girls fought over his charm or lack of it thereof.

"The Trojan war! They didn't look the gift horse in the mouth either and look where they ended up. Dead, that's where! And I'm just saying that it's like accepting candy from a stranger. You need to be sure of the motives behind the offering."

"What?"

"What? Look if a man came up to you and handed you a lollipop would you honestly accept it?"

"No but this isn't a random man, this is Sasuke .So I'd just take what he'd give me and stick it in my mouth." Ino said with a flourish and leaned back in her seat, content with her argument before frowning. "Wait, that didn't sound right."

"Oh I think we've heard it just right!" Sakura drawled out and laughed as Ino pouted.

Before she could defend herself, her cell rang and she excused herself to answer it leaving Sasuke and Sakura alone together for the first time since they were tiny tots.

"Why was Itachi staying over at your place?"

"Oh he was picking me up for a date but was really exhausted so my mum didn't let him leave since she was afraid he'd kill himself if he drove himself back in that state. Personally I don't understand how that's any different from normal really, he drives like a crazy person who forgot their meds. I half expect him to go all The Joker on me and start laughing and saying 'Why so serious!' while the car swerves like a snake in the Amazon River."

"Hn."

The word annoyed Sakura to the point where she asked bluntly what she had planned to ease into gently ."You know Ino said you had a crush on me when we were in kindergarten."

"WHAT?" They heard a sudden deluge of shrieks and death threats aimed towards Sakura and turned to see a bunch of Sasuke's fan girls glaring at her ominously through the window.

"Get a life!" Sakura yelled so loud Sasuke visibly flinched before turning to Sasuke with a polite smile. "So, how does that make you feel?"

"Are you trying to psychoanalyse me?"

"Nah I'm trying to find a way to link the past to the future. Like predict how a person might be now on basis of the events of their life."

"So you're psychoanalysing me."

"Yep."

"Huh."

"OMG Did you just use a syllable other than 'Hn'? This is so exciting! It's like those wildlife photographers must feel when the rare creature is within reaching distance!"

"What the hell was in that drink?"

"Split pea soda."

Sasuke's eyes widened not unlike Ino while Sakura continued to sip delicately.

"So you had a crush on me?"

He shook his head to clear his mind.

"Yeah I guess you could call it that."

'Or you could call it an utter obsession where I spent hours and hours dreaming of you and I eating tomatoes together', Sasuke thought sighing wistfully in his mind. 'That would be more accurate.'

"Yeah, so why exactly did that occur?"

"I don't really know?"

"Okay how about this; what is your first memory of me?"

"My first memory of you..."

Sasuke's mind flashed back to an image of Sakura holding a tomato out to him, red like the ribbon in her hair.

"You gave me a tomato once in recess. My mom had given me the wrong bento and I ended up with Itachi's onigiri instead of my tomatoes and you gave me a tomato."

.

.

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"My assignment that sucks part five

Sasuke has a crush on me because of a tomato. A TOMATO!

That boy's obsession with tomatoes is scary really. Who the hell likes a person on basis of a tomato?Although it is a fun word to say. To-may-to. To-mah-to.

I think he's getting to me.

Anywho I was just about to say something when Ino came back(she had left to answer a call) and he clammed up when she came back and since she had to leave we decided to disband and invited us to the carnival with his friends.

Does he honestly expect me to keep this from Ino? I mean she's the one who pointed it out to me in the first place! Well not the tomato bit, but the he-has-a-crush-on-me bit was totally deduced by her.

I wish I remembered more about my childhood though. I don't remember ever giving him a tomato. I didn't even like them when I was in a kid. In fact Ino was the one who-

Holy shit! I just remembered! It was Ino who told me to give the tomato to him! She gave it to me in the first place because the tomato plant she had been growing had fruited!

INO IS THE ANSWER!

I have to go now because I need to do my happy dance and then call Itachi and scheme!"

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**Review! (Please?)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Yes it's been a long time and yes this is a ridiculously short chapter. Unfortunately winter makes me so depressed, I start angsting all over the place and can't get anything done.**

**A/N: I don't own Naruto.**

_Last time:_

_INO IS THE ANSWER!_

_I have to go now because I need to do my happy dance and then call Itachi and scheme!"_

Onwards!

_._

_._

_._

"She made it."

Were Sasuke someone else that would have been an enthusiastic yell. Luckily, Naruto he had known Sasuke long enough to know when was excited. He saw that it was an oddly dressed pink haired girl who had Sasuke so excited. She waved from where she stood at the entrance and was joined by a blonde (was that Ino?) and –

"What the hell is your brother doing here?" Naruto yelled pointing at the elder Uchiha with no regard to the many people around them who stared at him like he was crazy. His eyes widened even more when he saw that the pink haired girl and Itachi were actually holding hands (well she was dragging him towards them but still, Itachi was _allowing_ it!).

Beside him Sasuke deflated just a little.

"Hn."

"I-I-I-Ino-Chan!" Hinata stuttered.

"I knew it was her!"

"You know Ino?" Sasuke said, puzzled.

"Of course I know her!" Before he could say anything else though the others reached them.

"CARNIVAL!" The pink haired girl said enthusiastically. Having never been to one before (or so Sasuke said), she was buzzing with energy, so much so, that Naruto seemed bored in comparison.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Naruto said, staring at Sakura with a confused expression on his face.

He didn't understand why Sasuke invited the girl. Nor did he understand why the elder Uchiha that they usually tried to avoid was tagging along either but the way Sasuke was looking at her spoke of heartbreak in the works.

"Because I want to." She said in a petulant tone. It was only when she caught the offended look on his face that she realised how rude that sounded. "No seriously I woke up and felt like dressing like this. "she said, 'this' referring to the finger curls that fluttered over her head paired with the grey low-waisted flapper dress and black flats which made her look like she'd just stepped out of a silent film.

"Did you fall asleep listening to Edith Piaf again?" Ino said. Naruto liked Ino. It seemed like only yesterday that she had told him that Hinata was in love with him, he thought turning to looking at the blushing Hyuuga heiress he called his girlfriend.

"I must be really predictable." Sakura mused sulkily.

"Yes. You are."

"I don't know about that." Naruto prayed that Itachi hadn't noticed him squeak and flinch away when he started talking but from the amused glance he was sent, his prayers were in vain.

"She's surprised me quite a few times." He continued and was rewarded with a radiant smile from the person in question. She looked up at Itachi, her face lit up, green eyes holding a twinkle in them that Dumbledore himself would have been jealous of.

No one else caught the love-struck look in Sasuke's eyes except for him and inwardly Naruto sighed. The one person that catches Sasuke's eyes and it turns out to be his aniki's girl.

Not for the first time Naruto cursed Sasuke's luck.

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"Now the teacups right?" Sakura whispered so only Itachi would hear. This was the time she had been waiting for. Their evil plan was finally being set into motion! Woot!

"Hn."

"Parlez-vous Anglais?"

"Yes. Now the teacups."

"TEACUPS!" She yelled out for the rest to hear. "Who's with me?"

"I don't mind."Sasuke said quickly before anyone else could say otherwise, but his brother had different plans.

"I don't think so. Do you not remember what happened last time you were on the Teacups ride?"

She watched with mild interest as Sasuke turned a sickly shade of green. Itachi had told her last night how the turning motion of the teacup ride had induced in Sasuke an extreme case of what could only be described as projectile vomiting. It amused her.

"Ino, you coming?" She already knew the answer to that question but needed the confirmation. Ino had successfully been distracted by the stall nearby selling seeds.

"Nah you guys go ahead."

"Sasuke just make sure she doesn't wander off would you?"Sakura said sweetly, knowing well enough there was no way he would refuse her.

"Of course."

And so the wheels of their great plan were set in motion.

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.

.

A sigh left Sasuke as he watched Itachi and Sakura turning the central wheel faster and faster until he had to look away. It seemed like just looking at the motion was making him nauseous. He turned to where Ino stood at the stall selling a variety of seeds for gardens. She didn't really seem the type to grow plants.

"Are you looking for something specific?" The shopkeeper asked. He seemed as surprised as Sasuke at Ino's interest.

"Well my cherry tomatoes seem to be dying so I need some of those. And do you have any of those black cherry ones?"

At the word tomato Sasuke's ears pricked up.

"Tomatoes?"

"Yeah I grow them." She said distracted still picking through the many seeds and saplings on display.

"You do?"

"Yeah. My mother runs a flower- shop so she gave me a space in the nursery. I have a little vegetable garden growing there."

"Is it easy growing tomatoes?"

Her eyes gleamed at the prospect of explaining her hobby to someone who might just appreciate it and she took a deep breath before launching into conversation with tomato obsessed Uchiha.

It was the best night of his life.

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"Success! Muahahahahahahhahaha!" Sakura threw her head back and laughed as they saw in flashes Ino and Sasuke talking animatedly. The teacup continued to spin and picked up strands of her hair and they flew about her face. In her glee she turned the turntable in the middle faster and faster until she couldn't see anything but a blur of colour and lights.

Eventually though the smile started fading as she remembered what it meant.

She had become so lost in trying to do her job and so convinced that she'd never succeed that she had forgotten what was soon to happen. It was her last assignment after all.

As the world continued to whirl around her she wondered what new set of memories would she be given when they would wipe her memories of the past few years. She wasn't a part of their divine world anymore and come tomorrow when she would hand in her report, she would go back to being a normal mortal without any memory of Gods and the Fates and maybe even without any memory of Itachi.

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The sun had barely set but the six had been ravenous after all the running around at the carnival and decided to go out together for an early lunch. While they didn't really know each other well, there was a fun air about them all.

"Sakura-san, were you a student in Konoha elementary?"

Hinata wondered why the pinkette looked so familiar to her. While she wasn't the same child she knew from kindergarten there was still that familiar air around her. The besotted look Sasuke had sported in the beginning of their outing had helped her recognise her. It was the same way he'd stare at her back in the day.

"Yeah actually. I did. I think you were in Kurenai-sensei's group right?"

"Yes. It's surprising that you r-r-remember it that well. You left in the middle of the year."

"Yes well, I remember the time you saved me from Lee, when he was chasing me around with that mistletoe on Christmas."

"You are more than welcome." She shuddered, the memory of those big black eyes chasing her till the very end of time. Hinata still had nightmares about it, she could only imagine how Sakura felt about it. "You must have caught up with Ino-san when you moved back then?"

Ino snorted at that. Apparently Sakura wasn't one to initiate any contact, no matter what the circumstances.

"She didn't do anything of the sort. Do you know she was in Konoha for a whole two years before we actually met again? I didn't even think that was possible, it's not like Konoha is New York or something. We met at work."

"You have a job? " Naruto sounded incredulous, like the thought of Ino having a job was that hard to believe.

"We both intern at a consulting agency. Tomorrow will be my last day though. After I turn in my report everything's over."The last two words were uttered with such wistfulness Itachi and Ino looked over at her in worry. Only Ino seemed to realise though what she meant by that and why it was causing her such sadness.

"You mean-?" She couldn't finish her sentence as her throat choked up. Sakura just nodded dolefully."I can't believe I forgot! So tomorrow you'll-?"

"Yup."

"And then-?"

"Yeah."

The two girls were close to sobbing outright and Hinata just felt plain confused. But part of her was jealous of the bond the girls obviously seemed to share which allowed them to read each other's mind so easily.

"Am I the only one who doesn't know what's going on?" Naruto asked.

"Surprising enough, no." Itachi said.

Just then Ino and Sakura who were sitting on either side of him reached over and hugged each other tight while crying. Itachi had to lean back to allow them the space and eventually they disentangled themselves and dried off their tears.

"Are you alright?" Itachi whispered to Sakura handing her a tissue that seemed to miraculously appear in his hand. Hinata thought about how he used to magically appear out of nowhere often scaring her beloved Naruto to a state of acute fear and wondered if he had ever thought of giving up the role of the Uchiha heir to become a conjurer.

"I-I'm fine."

"Hand in your report the day after, tomorrow we're having a girl's day out. I can't believe I forgot about it."

"I did too but then considering that I never expected to get the job done at all I think I just figured it didn't really matter. I mean come on, considering whom we're talking about-"

"Yes well tomorrow we party till our feet drop off!" Ino started bobbing her head to what seemed like imaginary disco music.

"Actually I thought we'd just stay in and have a movie marathon."

"That works too."

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**Please review?**


	11. Chapter 11

**December is gone and so are the blues,**

**But I've hurt my toe, now I can't wear my shoes. T_T**

**Hello! This is again a short chapter. I don't really think there's more than two left actually though and they should be up in the next few weeks sometime but I really wanted to post this. ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Lat time:_

"_Yes well tomorrow we party till our feet drop off!" Ino started bobbing her head to what seemed like imaginary disco music._

"_Actually I thought we'd just stay in and have a movie marathon."_

"_That works too."_

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**Onwards!**

"So did you tell Itachi?" It was Sakura's last day with her memories intact and she and Ino were spending it watching movies and making weird drinks while occasionally bursting into tears and having heart to hearts.

It was like every other sleepover they had actually. They had reached that part of the evening where they'd be discussing things seriously before trying to forget their worries by singing Bon Jovi songs loudly into hairbrushes (purple for Ino and lime green for Sakura).Mom and Dad Haruno had already equipped themselves with noise cancelling headphones .Suffice it to say that neither of the girls could carry a tune if it was duct taped to their hands.

"Did you tell Sasuke?" Sakura shot back and received an exasperated look in return.

"We aren't even dating yet! Anyway I figure they'd just adjust both of our memories considering he's not immune to spells like Itachi is. Hey what are they going to be doing about him? Wouldn't he be a loose end then? They can't erase his memories or anything right?"

"Huh, didn't really think about that."Sakura stroked her chin in deep thought before shaking herself out of it. "It's not like it would make much of a difference anyway .I mean come on, if I had no idea that the Gods and all that was real then there is no way I would believe a random guy I don't know who comes up to me only to tell me that we fake dated while on a mission to find his brother a girlfriend. Although I might pretend to believe him long enough to call an asylum to take him away and then dissect his psychological state of mind."

Ino stared at the girl before shrugging it off. It was true really and she had heard much more disturbing things from her best friend really.

"I still think you should have told him though. Honesty is the key to a successful relationship."

"You make it sound like we're in a committed relationship that we are utterly invested in. We aren't. The fact remains that right now we have the potential to be in love but aren't actually in it. It's nothing serious and we still have plenty of other opportunities to get together. When you and Sasuke make it official we're bound to be in contact at some point in time. And this time it won't be divine intervention it'll just be a girl and a guy. And that sounds much more exciting."

"If you say so but you know we were told to stay completely out of contact with Mikan after she was done with her assignments so for all we know ..."

"Yeah..."

The two sat and then after a few minutes of contemplative silence sighed simultaneously. The action made them look at each other and within seconds they were rolling around on the floor laughing for no reason.

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Miles away at the Uchiha residence, Sasuke and Itachi sat across each other at the kitchen table, Sasuke squirming in his seat while his brother calmly sipped his tea. Sasuke sighed and stopped shifting only to start flicking the cap of a ketchup bottle so that it clicked every two seconds. After two entire minutes of the noise, Itachi looked up from the book he was reading and raised his eyebrow in silent query. A voice in his head that sounded suspiciously with Sakura wondered why everything to do with Sasuke involved tomatoes in some form as his eyes perused the bottle in his brother's hands.

"Sasuke."

Distractedly Sasuke turned and focused on his brother while his hands continued their motion.

"Sasuke." He said again more forcefully though in hopes of some reaction or at least an end to that infernal clicking.

"Hn?"

"Why are you fidgeting?" He managed to say through clenched teeth.

"Huh? Oh just wondering why Ino and Sakura became so emotional tonight."

Itachi just Hn-ed along .It was something that he had been thinking about as well. Unlike Sasuke he knew what Sakura and Ino's jobs were and whom they worked for. Knowing that, he wondered if the consequences of Sakura's final assignment ending were more serious than they seemed. It wasn't everyday that a person worked with Gods after all and what entailed something like that was unknown to him.

The shrill ringing of his phone broke his train of thoughts only to meld with it as he caught 'Sakura' flashing on the screen. Speak of the devil and the devil shall speak as well.

"Hello."

"Hey Itachi, Ino thought that I should tell you so that if we ever meet and I have no idea of who are you wouldn't take it personally, but they're pretty much going to erase all my memories involving the job and replace them with different ones. Anyway I wish you the best on all future endeavours. Cya later alligator! Or maybe not. Huh."

With that the call was disconnected and Itachi was left staring at his phone in disbelief while Sasuke looked on with interest as his brother grabbed the keys for his car and left.

He wondered if he should have reminded Itachi that he only wearing a pair of boxers and his robe as the screech of rubber on cement filled the air.

Nah.

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"My assignment that sucks part six

I just realised how that title is incorrect considering that my assignment is dunzo. Now I can't call you anything but a diary. God that sounds so girly and Meg Cabot-y. Which I shouldn't really have a problem with considering the fact that I have most of her books in my secret shelves. But still! You're a diary. God that's disturbing.

To update you on the situation, I got Ino and Sasuke to bond over tomatoes and now will promptly be losing my memories. Ino thought it was important that I tell Itachi about that so that he wouldn't be _hurt_ (her words not mine) when I call him a crazy stalker for knowing my name. So eventually I did call him. That was around fifteen minutes ago. It's funny how suddenly everything seems to remind me of him. Like that screeching of tires from what sounds like just around the corner. And then Ino went downstairs to make us a few watermelon daiquiris. Which is weird because I'm more of a whiskey girl. Eh they'll probably be virgin anyway.

And now I'm here. All by myseeelf, don't wanna be, all by myseeeeeelf ANYMO-

Holy shit Ino just barged into the room so excited that she can't even speak. Got to go love!"

"What happened?" Sakura asked a breathless Ino who was grinning like she'd seen Santa Claus.

"Itachi!"

"Huh? Sweetie you'll have to use more words than that."

"Itachi's here!" She said while flailing her arms around ecstatically.

"WHAT?"

"He's outside, hurry!

Sakura flew downstairs and rushed out the door thanking her parent only to double over in laughter at the sight of the Uchiha heir in a pair of striped boxers and a robe with the initials IA monogrammed on the pocket standing there in formal shoes. No man in the world could make a get up like that, look sexy. Except maybe Wolverine.

"What the hell are you wearing?" She said once she had the guffaws under control although a few giggles still slipped out while Itachi looked suitable affronted.

"They'll seriously erase all your memories tomorrow?"

"Yeah but-"

"And you won't remember anything?"

"That's what usually happens when memories are erased Itachi." She said sarcastically.

"Right then, into the car you go."

"What?"

"Come on we're going out."

"Out where?"

"On a date."

"What?"

"You say that a lot. Now come on we only have 6 hours till sunrise."

"Fine just let me change."

"No no what you're wearing is fine."

"It's a panda pyjama suit!" She screeched, pointing down at the black limbed white torso-d suit with the fuzzy, round eared hood and matching fuzzy slippers.

"And it complements my boxers wonderfully now come on, I have a whirlwind romance to achieve." He said, all but pushing her into the passenger seat. Ino, who hadn't stopped smiling the whole time waved goodbye as Sakura tried to recover from her shock before telling them to hold on a second rushing into the house and coming back with Sakura's phone in hand and taking a picture of the two before handing the phone over to a still shell shocked Sakura, telling them to go have fun.

Only when he started driving and she was thrown to the side as he turned the corner, did she realise that it was actually happening. She was going on an actual date with Itachi. And she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

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**I was going to add the actual date bit too but realised I had no idea what to do with that. Or rather I had too many ideas and wasn't sure which one to go with.**

**Please review?**

**Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Now's the date! This was just horrible to write in fact a trip to the dentist might make me actually feel better in comparison.**

**If it sucks it's because I have no clue about the whole dating...thingy.**

**Disclaimer: It's a website for fan fiction, I highly doubt anyone here owns anything except for plot. And in case of plagiarists not even that.**

_Last time:_

_Only when he started driving and she was thrown to the side as he turned the corner, did she realise that it was actually happening. She was going on an actual date with Itachi. And she wasn't wearing her seatbelt._

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

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**Onwards!**

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"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?"

"To a movie."

"Oh." She turned quiet again while trying to figure out which movie they would be seeing. Somehow he just didn't seem the 'Tangled' type. "We aren't watching Black Swan are we? If we're watching Black Swan then I am out of here."

"I thought you wanted to watch Black Swan. Didn't you have plans with Ino to watch it this Sunday?" He said, perplexed.

"Okay first off, how do you know that? Stalker! And yes I do want to watch this movie. But if I'm going to watch it I don't want to forget it. Although that might make sense. Maybe the movie will be so bad I'll want to forget it, in which case the whole memory wipe thingy will be good. Hm... food for thought." She said stroking her chin in thought.

"It doesn't matter. We're not watching Black Swan."

"Really? Then what are we watching? Tangled? I don't they'd have it playing at this hour."

"They don't have anything playing at this hour. It's four in the morning."

"Then what are we watching?"

And then Itachi pulled into an empty parking lot with a sharp turn and tires screeching. Again. It seemed like a sound that Sakura had been hearing a lot of these days.

"So what are we watching?" She said getting out of the car and resting her chin on the little pillow her arms made on the roof of the death mobile. He pointed behind her with a smirk that did nothing to comfort her. She turned to see what he was pointing at and her jaw dropped.

"Whoa."

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"So your brother was just here."

Ino liked to think she had grown up a lot in the past few years. She wasn't that loud anymore nor was she that quick to judge people. She had also learnt not to hold grudges. But the one habit that could not be got rid off was her need to gossip. Oh don't get her wrong she could keep a secret for all eternity if need be but unless expressly told to keep her mouth shut, anything said to Ino would find a way to be known.

"I kind of figured. Then what happened?" On the other end of the phone the other Uchiha heir listened calmly, wondering why this set of girls deemed it necessary to call him only at the earliest hours in the world.

"He's taking her out for a date!"

"It's two in the morning, why would he take her out on a date now?" His voice was scruffy from sleep and Ino had to stop herself from being distracted by the delicious shivers that ran down her back at its sound. She did after all have to come up with an explanation as to why this date was so important without letting the truth slip. Somehow she didn't think Sasuke would be quite receptive to 'Oh we work for gods and since Sakura's retiring tomorrow they're sealing her memories away.'

"Oh well that..."

"Hn?"

"Well she's being transferred. To a whole different geographical location. And you know the kids today with their concerns about long distance relationships and all that boo-hagey." She laughed nervously and hoped that Sasuke was as dense as Sakura claimed him to be because frankly her lying skills were like her gaydar, nonexistent.

"Right." He drawled out. Ino melted into a puddle of goo.

"Hey Sasuke–kun, I was wondering, why are you so famous?"

"Hn?"

"I mean you haven't really done anything except existing. So how did Sasuke become the Sasuke Uchiha? Because you're hot and all but there's plenty of hot guys in the world, but I've never even heard of them inducing this sort of a craze, so?"

"I don't know really. A few years back this girl Ami from school started a Facebook page dedicated to me and the next thing I know I've got fans in every continent and there are videos of me on the internet doing the most mundane of things, going viral within days."

"Oh." She knew Ami. In middle school all the other parents had pooled their money together to get that girl a therapist. But the students had known for quite some time that Ami was way beyond help.

"According to the PR agent who had to handle this mess it was the fallout of the Bieber phenomenon. And the fact that Ami used a picture of me shirtless as the profile picture for the fan club."

Ino made a mental note to check out that fan club. To report it of course.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Well in the morning I'll be giving Sakura some well deserved mental support, and in the evening I'll probably be angsting. Nothing definite I guess."

"I thought maybe you could show me that tomato garden of yours."

'That's what she said!' Ino thought but refused to voice it, cursing Jiraiya and his unending influence silently in her head. Really, Cupid chose the biggest perverts in the world to hang out with.

"Sure! Meet me at the Yamanaka Flower Shop at five in the evening?"

"It's a date."

All alone in her best friend's room, the blonde twirled singing 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and briiight...' into a hairbrush.

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"Whoa."

Ever since she was a child Sakura had loved going to the dome theatre. The sheer magnitude of the screen and the way you actually felt the whoosh of movements was just pure awesome. So lost in awe of the place and the unusual quiet that accompanied it, Sakura didn't notice Itachi take her hand and lead her up the stairs to a seat in the middle.

"H-How'd you-"

"I called in a few favours. It wasn't really that difficult." The slight hint of arrogance in his tone reminded Sakura of who exactly this was. Compared to the (many) feats Itachi Uchiha had accomplished she supposed getting a private viewing at a theatre was mundane.

But this was gorgeous. And in the few seconds that she was lost looking at the giant round screen that seemed to be unending, Itachi had signalled someone in the back to start playing the film and within seconds an aerial view of the rainforests lit up in front of their eyes.

"You had its DVD on your shelves." He was referring of course to one of the many Discovery Chanel documentaries that he had seen in her room.

She realised from that slightest hint of tentativeness in his voice, that he was looking for approval (_her_ approval, the very thought made her giddy!), after all it wasn't everyday your companion (she refused to used the 'b' word) took you to watch a documentary in the middle of night. She just grinned and put her feet up on the top of the seat on the lower level grabbed his arm and got herself more comfortable, snuggling up to him.

"It's perfect."His lips twitched into a smile before turning to the screen. She sighed happily, snuggling into his arm even more before continuing. "Although you might want to get yourself a blanket or something, I can see your nipples through your robe."

"Hn."

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"THAT WAS AWESOME!" Sakura proceeded to twirl on the pavement. They had just left the theatre and Itachi in all his gallant glory offered to take her out for a very early breakfast at a little place nearby that was open at all hours. Arm in arm they walked to the diner and if she was clinging a bit too much to Itachi it was only because she was worried he'd catch hypothermia, Sakura reasoned. It had nothing to do with the fact that she liked him. More than liked, she _liked_ him. And that never really ended well for her.

But she didn't want it to end, she realised, and that thought was enough for her to finally register what was going to happen, come morning. She was going to forget, but she couldn't barely even remember a time before all of this, before she spent her days hunting down the perfect matches for imperfect people, before she met Ino again and a social life became more than just a word those snooty little bitches in college used. It had become her life. _And she was going to forget it all._

She began blinking furiously to stop herself from crying. She had managed to stop herself from crying all this time she could hold off after all it was just a few more hours, right? But it was just a few hours, it was just a few of the most awesome hours of her life and not to be repetitive or anything but _she was going to forget it all_.

"Are you alright?" Itachi asked, voice tinged with worry.

She didn't know if it was the tears blurring her sight or just light-headedness from lack of sleep but in that moment he looked so gorgeous. A few strands escaped the low ponytail that was customary and had his jaw always been that defined?

"Come on maybe getting some sugar into you will cheer you up." He smiled and life suddenly seemed good.

It was the kind of thing that might have made her go 'He understands me!' in a smitten tone. And had she been someone else and maybe if the looming thought of losing him the very next morning wasn't making the rounds in her head, she might have. But right now she would settle for smiling back at him and letting him lead her away.

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He was right. Getting some sugar into her really did cheer her up. It also made her determined. Why should she lose her memories just because the Gods were insecure? Didn't she have some rights? What gave them the authority to take away what was rightfully hers to have for all eternity? Her memories were her own thank you very much and she was going to fight for them!

That's right, Cupid was going down.

On another note these waffles are fabulous!

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**This was the penultimate chapter woohoo! I'm sorry for not updating but I really can't write emotional scenes. They require me to be serious for far too long and that is something I have yet to achieve.**

**P.S. Could you all do me a tiny favour and review? Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?**


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